Real Men Don't Read

I don't read enough, newspapers and current events-minded periodicals notwithstanding, and I feel bad about that. My mind feels mushy. So the other day I went to Barnes & Noble in search of some good fiction, or at least novelized nonfiction. Something detached enough to escape, but grounded enough to be meaningful. Something that would get me to think in a new way, or bring my attention to something new and different. But nothing too dense -- it is summer, after all.

I didn't find much.

Turns out, men don't read. Even though Father's Day is just weeks away, the most prominently displayed books -- those fashionably and conspicuously laid out on stands, shelves and tables yelling, "Buy me!" -- were almost all intended for women (and, judging by the titles and dust jackets, not very bright women). Stories about listless housewives seeking companionship, girls coming of age under difficult circumstances, and snarky, single women living it "Sex in the City" style.

There was a table with gift ideas for dads, and they included titles like, "The Manly Guide to Always Being Awesome"; "Grill it like MacGyver,"; and "Dick At War!: A Cheney Memoir." Apparently, men will only read full-throttle military histories ("Nuking Nagasaki: How We Kicked Ass in WWII") or books light enough in both weight and brain stimulation to finish in 18 holes.

What else I found was just boring. After scanning a dozen or so titles like, "What's Wrong with Islam?"; "The End of Liberalism"; "The End of Conservativism"; "All Things Explained"; and "A Dusk Waits for No One," all written by the same ilk of authors, I began to wonder if we have collectively run out of ideas, writers have stopped trying, readers have stopped caring or anyone will put out anything in a vain effort to capture an undeserved 15 minutes.

Where is that really gripping book, the one that takes us to a different place, a different time and a different perspective? The one that is entertaining and thought provoking at the same time? The one that lets its story and characters take precedence over the author's ego? The one that doesn't try to answer all our questions, but dares to give us more to ask?

That's what I'm looking for; "I'm Right. You're Wrong, Get Over It" doesn't cut it, which is why I had to skip over the contemporary and go back to the Old Reliables: two Mark Twain's and a Kurt Vonnegut.